So I'm kind of stuck. I want so badly to just be care free and just let things take their course, but I never can, because I keep hitting road blocks. At the party I wrote about earlier I had met a lot of fun guys and for the first time I heard first hand that I was appealing in the way I've always wanted, but that's as deep as it goes. The only way a relationship could ever come out of these friendships is if I tell them my biggest secret, and I always get so pissed off and upset and I start to spiral down when I get rejected even though I know its coming, but why should I expect something different you know? I can't expect that they'll just accept it and not care,because seriously Zane, when has that ever been the case? I realize I need to stop wallowing in self pity and I'm not trying to come off across as someone just looking for attention I am just so sad no matter how good things are goin on in my life. I am just too much for people to handle, too different from they're cookie cutter image that I am supposed to be. I try. I act. I try and try to be someone who I desperately want to be but in the end I'm always stuck wearing a mask....alone.