If there was ever a time I needed to get my thoughts straightened out....this would be it.
My mind is reeling, and I have no idea why.
I like far too many people, and the wrong kind of people like me.
I know for a fact that I still love Sam, but I miss Mario, and I still have a crush on Tony, Pierce, and Steven.
Also I have NO plans for New Years and I was hoping to hang with Tony and Andrea, just cause they're fun people to hang with...especially if the occasion calls for...well never mind. But I was leaving Tony a comment on myspace (damn you myspace) and I saw that he got invited to hang with another guy from the chorus and the whole "you're too young" feeling is comin back. I like hanging out with people older than me, so I guess I should expect that there are going to be times when I cant join in and I just have to live with it.......BUT ITS SO HARD! I want to play with the big kids too!
I wanted to call my mom before she left for Cali but now its too late and I reeeealllly wanted to call her to tell her that I love and miss her. I have to call Max so we can hang out while he's in town
As for the liking people thing, I hung out with Sam these past couple of days, and I miss him, I miss being with him, I miss him holding me, I miss his kiss, his laugh...I just miss him.
I also miss Mario, I rushed into it so fast and it ended even faster that I dont think I have had time to process everything.
Tony...well Tony is a lost cause. I kinda wish we had the Bryan-Justin relationship, yea I know I've been watching too much Queer as Folk (you gotta admit though...it is an AMAZING show) and I should just let him alone...and I've tried, but something attracts me to the fact that he acts like an ass (he prides himself on it) but I know he cares (yes as a friend). If he ever read this I would be sooooo emberassed
Pierce.....well to tell you the truth, Pierce might just be a sexual thing (stupid testosterone)
Steven...Steven is very cute and funny and smart and unique and well something not a lot of guys are..into me. I could definitely see myself with him. And well I have hooked up with him...and it was intense....and he wants to do more....and...so do I.
As for the people who shouldnt like me, well I have a stalker in Utah, 2 guys on myspace who I have never met who have declared their love for me, an ex camp staff member is hitting on me and I may be encouraging it, and a partrige in a pear tree... I know I'm bringing it on myself...but seriously
I feel abandonded by camp people (not all) because hardly ANY of them talk to me any more, my mom wants to talk when I dont know what to say, I'm still fat, I have a headache now, my room is messy, I still dont feel connected to the Jewish community, I'm still struggling with the whole not ever being able to accept myself for who I am, I have done ANY ANY ANY acting since this summer and it is driving me nuts! ANNNND I feel like I cant sing well any more because im losing my upper register and I just dont sound goo therefore I will never make it on broadway thus ending all of my hopes, dreams and aspirations.
but I want to leave this on a happy note so,
Courtesy of Matt:
Why does a chicken coop only have 2 doors?
cause if it had 4 it would be a chicken sedan!
I miss camp